Last Thursday I woke up
and was overcome by the terror of existence
Weltschmerz, I guess you would call it
just, you know the horror of freedom
and non-existence.
Anyway, I could feel my pulse slowing down
feel my cells dying
and I tried to get up out of bed
to fix myself some tea or whatever
but I couldn't move my arms and legs.
So I just lay there
staring at the ceiling
for like twelve hours.

Anyway, that's why I missed my court date
Your Honor.